this post-secret scared us

and we can’t even admit it because we know secretly people are thinking it’s true for us and how we should just do better and smoke less and take it seriously and how it’s our fault and we’re bad.

in the dreams we are per-fect and proud in the dreams we are sing-ing out loud in the dreams we are whirling and twirlin unfurling be-siiide me! (this is all sung in our head to a tune of something that sounds like “vive” from the scarlet pimpernel) our teeth hurt from flossing for like 2 [...]

alright, he said, i’ll make you a deal

it hasn’t happened yet.  there is time time enough for you to figure it out and stop it. if you can read the clues correctly. and there will be clues.  and if you get them, you can find the bomb and defuse (diffuse?) it in time.  if you get it right, if you see what’s [...]

in the dreams

we are in malls, in stores that sell fancy dresses, in elevators, in vans, in stores and restaurants where you stop along the way on a road trip, planes, trains, cars, we are always running, performing, in our hold high/middle school, in the gym and audiorium and locker room and lounge, in ny, in big [...]

what we want

- the alice barbie – the outfit for the red riding hood barbie – the april, may, and opal birthstone barbies – silver and prism glitter from that kit store – the martha stewart 24-color glitter set yes those are the things

if we had *all* the money in the world we would buy

- the alice in wonderland barbie – the red riding hood barbie *dress* at least – the martha stewart 24 color glitter set!! – the silver and prism glitter from the kit art place online but that is not how it is unfortunaterly but that’s okay we know it’s okay but it’s okay to want [...]

we keep checking their status thing to see if it’s green

so we know they’re still alive, at least. it reminds us of when we were younger and we’d be scared whenever mom was the tiniest late or just gone that something had happened to her and she was dead. some kind of lack of control thing? i don’t get it. i don’t get what’s going [...]

here is what i know

i know we are scared that if we aren’t watching close enough our boyfriend will disappear or die. clearly this is some kind of trigger, however much it is based in reality. sounds like a mom one. or maybe it’s a distraction from something else. or related. or a manifestation. or all of the above [...]

things that suck

how our body feels. our financial situation. problems with the family. that i think we just didn’t turn our function report for our reconsideration so i guess we’ll get rejected. so that helps the finances. fucking bitch and it’s ALL our fault. so really not only do things suck, but every second we are worsening [...]

worthless

we keep looking at our boyfriend’s dot to see if he’s online cuz that means he’s alive. green means go. clearly this is some big trigger. perhaps related to one of the 2 things holding us in place. the mom one. ourboyfriend said this thing when we were saying how like we didn’t think it [...]