worthless

we keep looking at our boyfriend’s dot to see if he’s online cuz that means he’s alive. green means go. clearly this is some big trigger. perhaps related to one of the 2 things holding us in place. the mom one.

ourboyfriend said this thing when we were saying how like we didn’t think it would be that tough for mom or sister to believe like people had been molesters and sister seemed to even think maybe dad was anyway. and he said that we must have some defenses so strong, we don’t even need denial. that’s echoed in our head a lot since then. it feels really true. and it’s like “what could they be?” so were thinkin and thinkin